Monday 23 March 2020

Thinking about those with less than me during the Coronavirus/Covid-19 pandemic

It's really easy for me to say "Stay at home you inconsiderate little pillocks!". 

I have a garden, my Mum enjoys making tasty food for us, and before he passed away my Dad had managed to pay back the mortgage he bought our house with in full, a feat which seems staggering to me right now.

But I'm thinking about how some of my friends live. Those who have never really shared close relationships with their parents or guardians and perhaps prefer to just get in touch once every 2-3 months to exchange some meaningless platitudes in order to be reassured that they are still alive.

Many of my mates are living in various concrete cities, devoid of nature's presence, scattered around the UK and abroad with only themselves to rely on and trust. 

The thought of having to stay holed up in a shared house in THE HAROLDS in Hyde Park, Leeds with housemates who mean nothing to me, knowing my XBOX 360 is still in storage somewhere, and all my real physical books I stupidly foisted on POVERTY AID to free up space in my box room... My food reserves dwindling because I thought everyone around me was just overreacting and very soon they would start chilling the hell out and calm would quickly be restored.....

I'd hate to be someone in that situation whose sense of claustrophobia or cabin fever might soon become inflamed in the next few days if they run out of things to give them a boost.

Two things I'd recommend (which you may already be doing - I don't want to assume too much here), is bringing your bedtime forward a lot. I've been getting up at 6am each morning and riding/walking to the local woods and inhaling tree farts. It's amazing that a tree's fart is what I call fresh air!! 😄 
On second thoughts it's probably tree burps that I'm inhaling. I'll look into this...

Two massive beech trees could be standing next to each other on a path that I'm walking and be silently communicating with each other totally unbeknownst to me.

"Sid....Sid.....Sidney!!!"

"What??? What is it? What do you want?"

"Here comes that boy again. The one who's always taking revealing photographs of us. Damn pervert!!!"

"It's what humans do you stupid oaf!"

"You're wrong Sidney. It's a violation of our privacy is what it is!"

"I'm going back to sleep...."

*Ben gradually approaches with camera in hand snapping away*

"Right you little pest, I've been storing up a right stinker for you here. Inhale this you meaty little cretin!"

*tree exudes huge burst of oxygen of the purest quality*

Me: "My God! The air which surrounds this fine looking beech is the freshest I've ever had the pleasure of inhaling!"

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So getting up at sunrise to inhale tree farts deep into your lungs at full capacity is the first thing I'd recommend. 10 of your deepest slowest breaths which feel like you are drawing in the universe and then you keep it there when you are totally filled with air. Put a cap on it when you can't inhale any more and then carry on sucking in air like you suck up cream soda through a straw to fill in the remaining space in your lungs and bring them to your actual full lung capacity. Then hold it....HOLD IT!!!!!!.....
And then exhale................

AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!.............

Do 10 of them in a your local wood or forest when you wake up and I promise you, very soon......Instant ZEN Monk Mode! More inner calm. Increased lung capacity. Increased brain power due to increased oxygen levels in the blood. Improved circulation. Great mental focus and concentration. The whole nine yards mate! The full flaming monty!

The second thing I was going to recommend I'll recommend some another time because this post has gone on long enough already and I want some breakfast.

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