The Importance Of Choosing Nourishing Substitutes

If Chris Whitty isn't chatting shitty, and social distancing is indeed extended to the end of the year, by then each of our new normals will include all the new habits we will have developed in the meantime.

Habits that will consist of the substitutes we've had to use as replacements for the actual things that we want to do now but can't at the moment.

If we end up having to say goodbye, for the foreseeable future, to something we miss really badly, and the gradual detachment process involves a sort of withdrawal stage to pass through; then it'll be important to choose a substitute which isn't a low-nutrition quick fix, and is actually a substitute good for us in its own right.

While we wait for things that are being missed to return, choose substitutes that contain within them opportunities for growth in life-affirming directions, instead of substitutes that act like cheap drugs to get you through, which only lead to diminishing returns on each successive hit.

Lovemaking in the Time of Covid-19

What we need more than anything right now is to be able to touch each other. A handshake, a pat on the back, a hug, a kiss, a fondle...

Contact with those we love and cherish in all its myriad forms. But for the foreseeable future such essential life-affirming intimacy is forbidden to us.

How then can we physically touch without making contact?

With BODYDOM

Imagine standing in a box room which is partitioned straight down the middle, ceiling to floor by a see-through synthetic membrane as delicate as spiders silk, as flexible as a Queen's Variety Performance contortionist, and as strong as an iron bar. You stand on one side of the room, gazing longingly through the transparent veil at your partner who stands on the other.

How good would it feel to be able to just walk up to your partner or the loved one Lockdown has kept you apart from for weeks, and simply embrace them knowing it was totally safe to do so?

The transparent sheath that at all times maintains a safe distance between you is so thin and so light that its presence is quickly forgotten, allowing those feelings of love, longing and gratitude that have been on hold for so long to flood forth without restraint.

I'm asking for £100,000 for a 1% equity stake in the company. 

Ewan Davis: Well, what a remarkable pitch! I'd never heard of the Wirral before, but I have now! Such chutzpah! 

The dragons, hands firmly gripping their 50k wads, prepare themselves for the inevitable bidding war...