The Problem of Intention

Whenever I have the intention to do something grand or idealistic, I fail big time, or at least, am left deeply unsatisfied with what transpires as the result was never my intention.

I'm very interested in seeing new systems emerge that help us all work in harmony together though. One experience that keeps coming back to me was when I was at a private festival involving the coming together of various like-minded people. I was struck by the levels of generosity there. Everyone was just so giving! And perhaps because the location we were in was so beautiful, we all felt momentarily separated from the cruelties of the real world, living in a vision of a collective future we wished to be real, a kind of temporary utopia that everyone knew would soon be over because festivals unfortunately don't tend to last forever!

For the next few weeks after returning to the life and person I was before the festival, I found it surprisingly easy and natural to be totally giving to my friends, verging on it feeling quite necessary to be so whenever an opportunity arose. If a friend said they were hungry and I happened to be eating at the time, without thought I found myself offering them my sandwich, telling them they could help themselves. Of course, they would never eat the entire thing, but I feel like it was the gesture that ended up nourishing them more than the food did.

Surprisingly, in group situations where other friends and onlookers witnessed this, I would find myself being offered or given things more often than was the norm for me. And they in turn gave among themselves more than I'd seen before. The atmosphere became one where everyone wanted to give to each other because seeing genuine appreciation and other people being made happier made them happy too! It was nuts!

I'm not one for taking chemicals and then jumping into a hot tub with friends all loved up, so it was a bit intense for me to feel that level of unconditional love just spring up out of nowhere, but I did find that as each day passed, what was an overwhelming feeling of resonance with humanity gradually became normalised, to the point where it no longer disrupted the coordinates of my lived experience and became a part of who I was.

This was years ago though. A fleeting period in my life, a glimpse of the kind of utopia I didn't think was possible. I'm back to 'normal' now! A right selfish bastard who always puts themselves first! Hahaha!!! But I do often find myself longing for the belief that I had in the past. A belief that it is actually possible after all to help sustain and instill in others a love for living through giving

What the Garden of Eden story means to me now

I used to take it as a lesson in why you shouldn't disobey God because he will fuck your shit up for eternity if you do, but now I see it being about temptation (vice), and how resisting real temptation i.e. something you know is morally not good for you but gives you pleasure (made even more intense if you know you can get away with it), resisting the urge and impulse to gorge ourselves on that kind of seduction will keep us in a place of godliness i.e acting in perfect harmony with oneself. But with humans being humans, I'm tempted to claim that Adam felt life in the Garden of Eden was boring as fuck and fancied something different for his mind to get stuck into instead of lying around all day, being satisfied in every way. Adam was the first human to live a fully automated, luxurious lifestyle, who wanted for nothing and had an Alexa called God. Adam was an unwitting Neo who accidentally created the Real through his curiosity.

But anyway, I think that most people can begin the ascension to godliness through the resistance of their vices because the act of being able to say no to something your body is screaming yes for is a demonstration of supreme self-control, self-determination, it's morally nutritious etc, and these building blocks lead to heightened confidence, greater awareness of how one can realise one's potential...

Maybe that sounds like a no-brainer of a decision to make but I think most people are like anti-Icaruses, in that they become scared when they find themselves flying so high. They get vertigo. They're reluctant to soar above others for fear of making themselves targets, or they are afraid of being overwhelmed by the feelings of joy and exhilaration that resonate them from experiencing such a magnificent view.