Opening The Past

in so many moments 

i see myself 

with a want to explore 

through writing 

at some point I will...

now that i finally know 

myself

i'd write 

of the nice times we shared 

poignant and sweet

in the brief while spent

at Claremont

as and when...  

desires to convert 

my heart into words 

wax and wane 

like the FTSE 

but just as important

is seeking

the looking within 

without conditions 

for acceptance 

of aspects and times 

of pain caused and felt

seen and unseen  

my want to go honing

memories, recollections 

evoke quivers of longing 

rippling shame

reliving the visceral 

moments destabilized 

emotions red fevered

with jealousy 

pangs 

the need to possess 

to feel peace inside

inadequate, inferior

synthetic intimacy

impulsive projections

confidence feigned 

before shallow conviction 

suppresses the shaming 

resonant feelings 

of nakedness

 

up from the deep 

uncertainties rise 

when fears hide my absence 

of qualities i wished 

were inside 

to replace this mask 

of myself disguising 

a maturity straining  

but then feelings

effervescence and love

buoyant and light and easy

skins gently brush 

in communion 

in each readjustment 

dispersing its charge 

traversing the void

anticipations leap 

sooner than we 

to embrace.