Intimidating Others Is A Privilege I Enjoy Making The Most Of

One of the best things about being big and black in an almost entirely white village I'm finding is the ability to intimidate strangers without having to try. It really is a blessed privilege!

It's been so nice to have people quaking in abject fear when I've walked into a beer garden and taken a pew with my pint at the picnic bench next to them, and then bathed myself in the waves of worrisome gazes coming in from all angles, as they scope me out, attempting to divine my ulterior motive for choosing that particular bench to plonk my arse upon.

"But why that table in particular? Why not the one furthest away from us?? We're onto you sunshine... We'll be monitoring every sip you take of the delicious local IPA your drinking far too slowly to be a benign presence. Any other person who meant us no harm would have been half way through that pint by now. Keep an eye on him Karen, I'm just going for a piss..."

I love feeling the tension build and build between me and them, to the point where this non-existent war of attrition raging in their minds is just one more non-sip of my drink away from becoming an all-out wild west saloon brawl, minus the honky-tonk pianist providing our farcical soundtrack.

Then all of a sudden something will happen; an unintended connecting of our worlds will occur. The couple's dog, who had up until then been lying obediently at their feet will suddenly get up to stretch its legs, and without excusing itself, stroll casually across the hard border between us and into my domain, and I'll start petting it without thinking, stroking it like it was my own dog, telling it how lovely it is.

When people who think they should fear you see you being kind and gentle to something or someone they really care for then you immediately go from public enemy number one to being their newly adopted son in the blink of an eye. It's great! Shortly after I'd finished stroking their dog, during which I'd looked across at the couple to make friendly eye contact, I was being bombarded with unlimited pork scratchings and original flavour scampi fries! Win!!!

People feel better when they realise their fears were just unnecessary figments of their imagination, preventing them from being able to get along with everyone, and so it's a privilege for me to be someone's fear which is able to make itself disappear.