Post-Modernism's Shadow

BREXIT, CLIMATE CHANGE, COVID-19....

Isn't it a ironic how Post-Modernism had the audacity to claim that the age of Grand Narratives was now behind us?

They seem to have returned, but happen to be nemesis of the ones we originally embarked upon. Our shadow narratives. Cast whenever we insist on the way things OUGHT to be, overuling the sovereignty of how things actually are. 

ASDA staff caused me to shed tears of what must have been the love of togetherness

Just over a week or so ago I was in ASDA. It was pre-peak stockpiling, but the shelves were already looking ragged, as products were being left in their cardboard boxes because there simply wasn't enough staff to maintain the usual level of service, and so empty boxes lay strewn across the floor beneath.

I'd just popped in to get some essentials:

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2 Dr Oetker Spinach Pizzas

1 bag of Kings Veggie Jerky

1 bottle of Gordon's Gin

1 bottle of Diet Indian Tonic Water

1 Tiger Loaf (reduced to 27p)

1 bag of Haribo Super Mix

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The atmosphere felt a tiny bit apocalyptic, but you could see that the rule of law was still being respected, so aisles were free of bandits and acts of a lawless nature. 

I took the items in my basket to the self-checkout and scanned them through. Owing to my childish features, the ASDA helper woman asked to see proof of my years before running off with haste to remove the security tag on the Gordon's. 

Considering the fact that the demands of her job had forced her to have to stand in close proximity and help thousands of increasingly panic stricken strangers all preparing for something that was unprecedented for them, the ASDA woman looked very chipper and cheerful, but was having to do the job of at least 4 people - darting about the shop floor like a wholesome entertainer at the Queen's Variety Performance, enthralling Her Majesty with her ability to keep as many plates spinning on poles as her small frame could manage.

She came back with my Gordon's and felt compelled to confess she thought I was her daughter's age and not approaching retirement age as my passport had confirmed. We had a little laugh before I popped my essentials in my bag, popped my earphones in my ears and then headed towards the exit.

In the distance, the two security guards who had been seated at the entrance when arrived suddenly got up and began walking towards me. I thought to myself "But I don't even remember robbing anything! Maybe I have a psychological condition which causes me to steal groceries and then erase all memory of doing so??!!"

I quickly checked my bag for tins of peas and sweetcorn or anything else not on my receipt. Everything was accounted for. As I got closer to the security guards I could see now that they were actually both smiling at me and gestering for me to look behind myself. 

My earphones had been pumping some seriously sweet bass grooves into my lug holes so I couldn't hear a single thing going on in the world around me. I pulled them out and turned around and it was the cheerful woman I'd just been having a little laugh with! She'd been trying to get my attention because I'd walked off and left my Kings Veggie Jerky at the self-checkout till! 

I said to her, "Amazing! Thanks for letting me know. I bloody love jerky!". I looked back at the security guards again and they were beaming with pride like they'd just made it possible for a father to be reunited with his long lost son so I thanked them too.

As I walked over to where my bike had been locked up outside, I felt really touched that despite the drastically reduced amount of staff working at ASDA that day, the fact that I should still leave the store with everything I'd paid for mattered enough to these staff members to chase me down and make sure that I got my jerky. The woman could have just said or done  nothing, as so many other shoppers were demanding her time.

I'm not fully sure why, but I did well up a bit riding back home, and wondered why such a frequent and unsurprising event at any other time hadn't moved me like the one that had just taken place.

Resistance is Strength

I went out for a ride on my bike early this morning to snap some trees because the light was nice, but as I got to the tree I wished to capture the disc brakes on my bike seized up and wouldn't release, and so my front wheel would only go around if I could overcome the resistance from the brakes still being on. 

It wasn't so hard to ride on the flat but it was a right bastard going uphill. I thought about calling a big taxi to pick me up and also pondered doing a wheelie all the way home but then realised that strength is a product of resistance. 

When you go to the gym you can raise up objects that want to go down, push other objects outward that are designed to squeeze you inward, and run forwards upon objects that keep sending you backwards. Resistance leads to strength, and resistance is anything which requires energy in order to be overcome. And so we build up our strength by expending it. By using it up. The more we use it up, the more we have to use up as long as it isn't used wastefully or in vain, is directed in the right way, at the right thing and at the right time.

By the time I'd got back home my thighs looked like they belonged to Wolf from Gladiators.

Resistance may be a source of strength, but what happens to the fuse in a plug which has a resistance too weak to sustain the current passing through it? It blows.

Therefore it's not enough just to go with the flow. It's not always wise or safe to abandon ourselves so recklessly or rashly. As best we can we must try to establish the maximum strength of the current we are about to yield all control to before surrendering to its impulses and desires.

We Have Snapped Out Of Our Self-Delusion and Self-Denial

It seems 5:30am to get some shopping in is nowhere near early enough! ASDA was completely log jammed before sunrise.

I don't know how it is in your town, but in mine I'm pretty sure you could get Huw Stephens on BBC news to announce on all TV channels simultaneously that the Bubonic Plague, Black Death and Small Pox had all returned to our shores once more, but even more deadly this time around, and the people in my village would still remain crammed together lined up in queues filling every aisle of ASDA, stockpiling bog roll and Findus Crispy Pancakes, their trollies bumper to bumper as they debate amongst themselves just how fast you would die after contracting the new strains of these classic diseases, while standing face to face and inhaling each other's breathy responses, complaining how they are still too socially awkward to wear a face mask in public because it's just "not me". 

To the people in my local ASDA it appears as though the job of curbing the spread of a contagious new disease they know endangers the lives of people who are vulnerable by simply covering their mouths with a bit of material, remains an act only Chinese people and trendy looking hipsters from London do. Not them.

Put a fucking mask on your germ dispenser will you. Especially if you want to sneeze, cough and belch in public with abandon yer dirty bastard!

If doing something so self-evidently necessary in order to increase the speed with which we all get through this growing social crisis, then how the hell do we expect to be able to make the internal self-changes in our behaviours to ensure the Earth remains a place our kids have clean air to breathe and fresh clean water to drink? 

In general, the level of self-delusion and self-denial coursing through the whole of Western society is painful to watch continue, even when the vision of the end of everything is facing us in plain sight. Instead, our answer is to retreat back into our fantasy land of Netflix again to try and overwrite the truth of our reality.

Our deeply embedded habit of avoiding the truth about what's happening to us, here and now in the present moment, refusing to accept the cold facts of our situation until it's far far too late, is something we have to snap out of today.

Andrew Weatherall has immediately become one of my favourite DJs

Andrew Weatherall has immediately become one of my favourite DJs! I really appreciate a person who can traverse musical terrains so diverse, making the journey feel as though it's happening by train.

I love a DJ who is less of a performer or spectacle and more like a ship's captain. Able to use his skill to take both ship and crew through the unpredictable waters safely and then arrive at the destination he thought it best for us all to disembark at. We look around ourselves to check if everyone made it through. That no one is missing. We're all here! Feeling much wiser for it too.

The Future That You Wish To See Cannot Be Intended

The future that you wish to see cannot be intended. The future you wish for your children to grow up in cannot be planned or mapped out and all the dynamics of its possible interactions easily accounted for.

Just think. What is the one thing we are all doing (or not doing) every day, that is feeding this collective cancer that continues to metastatise and swell in plain view of us all? Unabated and unchallenged.

It's a decision you've made and keep opting for even though it's never worked. It's something you say no to.

For you if it feels like you're supposed to be receiving something like this right now

I have to admit, right now,  is the best time in my life for me in all areas (apart from the wonga zone😂), but it's all come about very suddenly through going it alone and being prepared to give up everything my possessive sense of self felt it needed to have in order to obtain the contentment it longed for. 

So I obey myself a lot more these days. I work with my unconscious urges and impulses and never automatically override them or submit without first engaging in dialogue. Always striving to work in harmony with my self. In sympathy. In synchrony. 

Anyway... My point is that when I get back from work I'll send you over something I recorded when I was at an extremely low ebb. Not the lowest I've ever been, but not far off at all because I was carrying around with me a strong sense that time was running out for me, and that I was destined to remain trapped within the endless cycles my vices and bad habits I desperately needed to break free from.

I just wanted to tell you that I also have felt like I would never achieve what I always knew deep down was the one true destiny for me. Ive found that things coming to fruition is always just a matter of time, and it does take time to configure oneself into what is needed, especially when the external pressures we are battling are so great.

 But you see, that's why I think you have the brightest future going forward, because you're still here, striving to be the you you know you can be, despite the constant shit you have no choice but to deal with. 

I'm telling you. You've come out of the forge and have been hammering and tempering your form slowly, but gradually, into the shape you will eventually need, so it's only a matter of time. Just don't lose hope and everything will be ok.